True Change

Change is something I have been aspiring to forever. The more I tried, the more difficult it appeared. The bad habits were like addiction. The self hate was a favourite past time. As for guilt, you name any situation and I have already felt bad and guilty about it. Because I believed all of these self-created stories, I was willingly absorbing judgments and labels other people were more than ready to bestow on me! My environment never seemed to fail me and reinforced all of these errors I held about myself.  Understandably I was in a very great hurry to change all of this stuff which made me very unhappy. I lived in a constant state of frustration and low self esteem. My impatience soaked me up leaving me feeling in despair. The harder I tried to be a "good" person, the more I was failing. I reasoned with myself alot and questioned even more. They included questions like:  I was on "The Path", why then was I unable to create worthwhile change? .... When are things going to be different within me? etc. etc.

These are good questions to ask. They act as a compass and direct you True North.  As I began a a relentless self inquiry, answers were unfolding themselves automatically. What I began to understand was that a True Path involves an absolute and complete turnaround change. You cannot hang onto or hold onto any false belief of the life you are giving up. There is no half-and-half. Until that is realized, change will be minimal and a struggle. True change is REBIRTH. You have to die to your old self completely. This is by far the hardest endeavor for me. But I now have a far better understanding what true spiritual practice is and that is a huge place to start from. I was helped further when I encountered James Twyman's "The Art of Spiritual Peacemaking." It is a huge book in terms of  spiritual depth and requires you to trust that  once you start The Peacemaker's Path, all changes are taking place within. On the outside there is nothing obvious for a long while, but that does not mean just because you cannot see something, it is absent or not happening. You have to develop Trust, Faith and Patience. Divine Patience is the surety that something is going to happen in eternity and infinity. When you begin to think this way, then suddenly everything seems to be happening very fast. Time begins to collapse. The construct of time does not apply here. This is where you begin to learn to feel yourself through the Path of The Unseen. I started meditating, pondering and contemplating the following passage from the book. It took more than two years for me to begin to comprehend what it means, and as it began to sink into my subconscious mind, I began to see that I was going about my life backwards.

PATIENCE

There is no time in which you will be judged. There is only NOW, and you have already accepted the finality of your soul's  TRUTH. Understand this and Divine Patience will be yours. Then time will have no meaning to you, for you will know the ultimate conclusion of your life: Full knowledge of your True Self.  How can you be anything but patient if you know the path you walk? Even if you do not see the castle in the distance, still you are certain of your eventual arrival. And the more certain you are of this, the sooner you will perceive this reality. Only Divine Patience offers immediate results. There is no hurry, then, for the ending is sure. Enjoy the path you walk and admire the beauty of the landscape. Turn one more corner and you are there. Today I ask that you imagine yourself to be the enlightened being I perceive, filled with patience. Imagine how you would act toward others if this patience were yours. Imagine this new life and embrace it now."

~ The Art of Spiritual Peacemaking, Lesson Six ~

Source: Rooftop cafe view of the Taj Mahal. Image by Daniel McCrohan / Lonely Planet.

 I don't want to go into the details of how I experienced an enlightened view on this because it is said that one should not talk about one's experience with anyone except with a truly like minded person who understands your experience, since the more one talks about personal spiritual experiences, the more the experience begins to feel diminished.  Suffice it to say that I finally understood that the ways of the world are not the ways of Spirit. No matter what you hear, read or believe, ultimately you have to source your own answers from within. Nobody can dictate to you how you should develop a relationship with your own Soul. Neither, can you be a parasite and thrive off someone else's spiritual intuitions and experiences. It will never ever work for you completely.  That is a really good thing because, it proves no two persons in this universe are alike and one size does not fit all. You can only be guided by someone else's path. That is all that you can do. Teachers can only share their knowledge and guide you into your inner Self. Beyond that, you have to develop your relationship with Spirit on your own. Don't waste your time promoting someone else's spiritual ambitions. Those are the ways of the world. Focus only WITHIN.  As I released all my follies, I began to feel directed to the next step, and then the next step, etc. If you look at your life from the aspect of your physical body, it will take millions of lifetimes to perfect. But if you look beyond your body to your True Self, you will realise, the Purity, the Truth and The Self is lying hidden in your very Being waiting to be tapped into. Then the body slowly becomes the channel it is meant to be. Healing begins to take place in spirals and layers as your move inwards and radiate outwards at the same time.  People who are looking for the same thing that you are aspiring to, will be drawn to you like a magnet.

This journey is not for the faint hearted. It is a solo journey. Eagles fly alone. Sheep move in herds. You have to decide if you want to be an Eagle or a sheep.  

True change happens from within. True change cannot be coerced, coaxed or manipulated. When you seek change with all your heart, your heart will convey to The Source your deepest desires and as you allow your free will to give permission to Spirit to work on you, you will not even notice that something big is happening within. It creeps upon on you in a good way, like when you suddenly discover you are no more reacting to the situations and people the way you used to in the past. You begin to stop caring about the things that are not of Truth and you begin to feel Peace in your Heart, the likes you have never experienced before. And that is how it happens.  And you want it to happen more and more. You experience moments of pure bliss - free of worry totally. It is unexplainable. All you need to do is surrender your difficulties and problems and the Holy Spirit does the rest. You have to stay connected with  your Path and every time you deviate, you have to bring yourself back. If you don't, you will experience some physical discomfort whenever you are not doing right by your Soul and you will be reminded .... gently at first .... and then with a harder knock if you still don't pay attention. You Soul is relentless. It will not leave you - this human being that you you are masquerading as, for even a second. Your Soul is your direct connection to The Source and it wants only what is God's will for you.

Do not let anyone diminish you in any way or judge your path. You can achieve this by NOT responding to them at all. They will not understand anyway.

Infinite Patience means you KNOW everything is going to be ALRIGHT. Heck! more than alright - its going to be superb!! Just don't let time dictate the change. And then you will see everything is happening very fast. They call it by a couple of names - Divine Timing and Divine Order.

And that really suits me fine. Om. Amen.